For about 3 weeks I have been short circuiting and killing the appliances I love.. Light switches, another KVM Switch, 2 cell phone chargers, possibly a phone, a car alarm, and a laptop. I do not understand this situation, and found it rather inconvenient to have to keep replacing things I melted-- it makes me feel broken.. and unfixable.
Okay so in my day job I am way busy. The kids are needing some attention... and the Helping Friends Career Network is really making it's stride. All exciting and positive things, and yet magnetism is creating discomfort.
This discomfort takes the form of physical and mental discontent. While I am "ultra" magnetic, I also wrestle with a sense of "activity" while I experience a host of activities that must be sorted and ordered. Once ordered, there are some activities, I feel compelled to offer loving intention to.. There are other activities or 'unpleasant' truths that must be spoken, and I am receiving the words to share them... And then there is the giddy sort of news -- an exciting sense of well being that though someone is in their darkest, lightness is coming, and they just need to affirm that sense of well ness.
I have yet to encounter a resource for managing this gift and it's inconveniences-- well nothing more than patience. I have become willing to adjust medically, physically or balance stress better. I value as do others, my ability to sense, to communicate, and to motivate.
There is discomfort. This is unpleasant. This feels broken. Why can't I be normal? Such is the dance-- of abandonment, of guilt, of failure, and of taking that in stride. The discomfort will continue until I have taken the appropriate actions, however the actions, and sometimes the experiences I am receiving, are just unclear enough to create unpleasantry, without a face-- a sort of confusion to whether the experience I feel is my own or someone else's. Sometimes it is one situation or the other, possibly the pain from a previous experience helps me to connect and care about helping others to resolution.
3 interesting lessons this week:
1. We can all be more loving and open about our intentions and expressing the good in others.
2. We all need to love and be loved to feel in balance, so why do we waste time in unproductive fear, worry, uncertainty, sarcasm, or doubt.
3. So much of our life experience could be made better by simply respecting and caring for one another more than our homage to our ego.
A dramatic week, 3 of my friends are now working. I am getting to work with a bunch of interesting folks now- jobseekers and hiring managers-- we are finding one another and unique benefit to our collaboration.
Barack Obama gave a moving speech on setting clear intentions and activity to recognize the change we want to see begins with us.
THEN one of my dear colleagues, a supporter of all people, communicated an intention of committing suicide. I shudder thinking that this dear man , who is smart, articulate, helpful, warm, and compassionate, would die before knowing how much he was truly loved..
And for this day, I have decided to be the light I wish to see that does not blow out for the surge of energy, I will choose to be as consistent a source of love, of compassion and of optimism as I can be.. We all need this, and perhaps the greatest poverty is that feeling that no one cares what we say, or do..
