I heard this yesterday, and decided to stop holding my breath. "Breathe in- optimism, Breathe out- fear."
Day 22 of our whole foods invigoration. This is the first time my husband and I have gone for 3 weeks without refined food, sugar, artificial sweeteners, soda, milk, cheese, margarine, bread, gluten, malt, honey, and caffeine. This week we reintroduced poultry and seafood into our diet- so far so good, in fact, that little bit of protein seems to make my workouts more efficient.
I am cooling down from a magnificent work out with my trainer at Lifestyles. Jason is great, because he pushes me, just a little more than I really think I can do, and at the end of the workout, I feel like superwoman. Amazing on the lack of sleep I have had this past 3 days, that I have such a delicious sense of well being!
So far Kevin has lost almost 10 pounds and several inches.
I have lost 19 pounds and almost a foot-- no not one of those 2 I walk on, but significant inches!
Yesterday was a challenging day at work, and I never realized how I have trained my body to just do whatever it takes to get me through the moment. I had a network problem that was completely out of my control, and I had 3 meetings today to get ready for. Don't 'they' understand I am busy, I want a sandwich, darn it -- and dessert--- you know, the kind with real bread, creamy horseradish, beef, and cheddar cheese crumbles melted with a sided of aus jus. For dessert, something with dark chocolate and carmel sauce, and a cup of coffee-- that way I can get everything done in my plan, even if the outage got in the way.
Breathe out fear.. I let me friends in on the deep inside joke that is my psyche. I don't like that feeling of being out of control. From a place of sheer fear, I start to make myself and my dreams more verbal-- my health goals, my career goals, my professional productivity... Fear is a bad and wicked spiral staircase to a place that gets hotter, and more rapid, to a vertigo like place.
For me, fear is this deep seeded belief that I will make a mistake in life, so big that I will be left alone, penniless, failing, not a friend in the world.
Breathe in optimism.... Okay so what happens if everything is NOT done on time? What breaks if I need to reset expectation? Only my disappointment in myself for not being and doing all I can to get things done. I am responsible. I am responsible for my best productivity, and most of the time I get alot of things done, within my control, but clearly the issue is my belief that I can control all elements of the business nature, and that is expecting the impossible. I can do many things. I can do more things, by being a little less unreasonable on myself. I am training new muscles now, new disciplines. Inconvenience is part of that training, flexibility is another part, and a muscle well worked, never atrophies.
Breathe in faithful optimism: Miracles DO happen. Dreams DO come true. I have DONE way more than I have failed at in life. I am not unique in my feelings of fear and pain avoidance, I am simply choosing a unique approach that is different for me in that I will laugh at it lightly, to observe it and let it pass.
Laughing at my own neurosis? You bet!
It can not be any more insane than believing comfort food can ease discomfort of a challenging work environment. Part of the faithful optimism view that I have taken however, is that we have immense power and choice-- to retain or release a belief system that serves, or fails to serve us.
What's my next goal? 15 more pounds to go, and then the focus turns to endurance training, and seeing if it's time to get off some of this medication, and find something new to enjoy in place of the trips to the doctors office, emergency rooms, or time spent hiding from the world because I am too hideous, too whatever to be seen. There is a new me emerging, and I choose to get to know that side, even better than my well established neurosis routine. :D
